6 Reasons Golfer Dudes Should NOT Get a Massage
There are a lot of dudes out there that have never had a professional massage before.
People keep trying to talk you into it, but we BOTH know you shouldn’t bother.
I know, right?
I’ve listed 6 reasons why you SHOULDN’T so you can be armed with hard-core facts to get those “do-gooders” off your hairy back!
1: The guys will think you’re a girly man.
Even though many elite athletes consider sports massage an essential part of their training and recovery routine why should you do it too? Heck, you aren’t an elite athlete and you never will be. I’m sure there is a good reason they do it (They probably think it makes them perform better, HA SUCKA) but you don’t want the guys thinking you are a pampered lap dog. Don’t risk it!
2: It’s a waste of money.
Why spend money on a massage when you could use that for a good post-game bottle of vodka? Even though an insurance company saved money when it allowed massage to be a covered benefit (They saw a 25% decrease in back surgeries and a 30% decrease in neck surgeries) doesn’t mean YOU will see any cost savings. Visits to the doctor, when you have injuries or back pain , don’t cost THAT much. Plus, they are way more fun than getting a massage. Ol’ doctor jelly-finger hasn’t seen you in a while anyway.
3: It takes an hour away from actually playing golf and improving your game!
Hey, while your competitor is wasting his time getting his massage, YOU can be out there practicing! Sure, a massage can improve his range of motion and muscle flexibility, which you’ve heard can result in increased power and performance… but it’s MUCH better to swing wildly after a week of being cooped up in the office!
4: You lose out on that sweet sweet sympathy!
Massage helps break down adhesions (scar tissue) and prevents injury, so no more special treatment from your loved ones from getting hurt! You will just have to FAKE an injury if you want to miss that big tourney.
5: Your mind will be muddled and you won’t be able to think.
People are so relaxed after a massage, right? That NOT the way to play golf! They say that massage improves mental focus and helps the mind with problem-solving and coping with stressful situations. But, by the looks on people’s faces when they just had a massage, there is NO way that’s true. It’s probably best to play with lots of things on your mind because that way you have something to think about while you are trying to find your ball in the trees.
6: No Pain No Gain.
Everyone knows that! Massage reduces pain, anxiety, and stress because it releases endorphins, which is a natural painkiller! How are you supposed to gain if you have to pain?
With all my love and affection,